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I have a crush on your mind.

"

see what people don’t get
is that you can be doing okay for
days weeks months
and all it takes is one word, one look,
one wrong thing
and suddenly your body becomes an avalanche,
you become a disaster zone and
winter retakes your soul

and girls like me, we walk around with caution tape around
our fingers, with hearts so heavy that our arms
are sick of dragging them along with us, we are
cities that are constantly in danger
of being set on fire
i mean what if your own mind was the reason
you couldn’t sleep
what if you woke up this morning because your brain was
talking too loudly, what if the only time you feel
good about yourself
is when you feel
empty

and boys like me and people like me and
rabbit-hearted lovers who just want to feel
the morning sun
without wondering if we should start our workouts now, who
just want to hug our families again without
worrying they’ll notice we reek of our own
disappointment,
who just want to go to our friend’s house without
turning down every food offered only to
offend her:
we are so afraid of what will happen -
of what does happen -
when we slip for a second and our control
goes spiraling
so we give into every word the voices in our head
are saying, we give up our thick hair
we give up our strong bones, we give up
calling this body
our home
in search of an image that’s been
sold to us so strongly
we’d give up our everything
just to feel
wanted

and broken little human beings like me
we live like tornadoes and too-calm seas,
trapped in a horrific dance between
a beautiful and inspiring recovery and
opening our windows just to feel
the breeze and finding ourselves
stepping out on that ledge,
a deeper hunger in our hearts
than anyone ever sees: this
odd and sudden need
to just become a brittle white
chalk outline
to paint these empty streets.

"
  r.i.d (via inkskinned)

(via bleh-er)


i just don’t know how to handle existing in this skin anymore. I thought it was supposed to get easier but it’s only getting harder.

I can never escape myself, it kills me from the inside out with every passing hour.